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Long time, no post, eh? I need to write this out, because I'm going out of my mind...

Its been an ... interesting week. Starting Sunday. Hold on to your hats, kids, this is a sad sad tale. I was heading out, with Jessica, to go dancing on Sunday. Sundays at Ibar, my usual watering hole, are a mix of 80s pop, new wave, and indie music. Great crowd, great drink specials (sidenote: Everyone at Ibar knows me, the bartender knows me by name, the bouncer doesn't ID me, and even the PARKING ATTENDANT recognizes me -laughs- not sure whether to be proud or ashamed). But I digress, me and Jess are sitting at a red light, shooting the shit, and when it turns green I notice the lovely blue flashing lights, and pull into a gas station. While waiting for the officer to get out and come to my window, I look for my registration, since I know he's going to ask for it. Its nowhere to be found. Fucking awesome, right? So he comes up and asks for my license and registration, but me in my worried state only heard registration, so I tell him I don't have it. He's like, you're tag is expired, it expired in March. Great. I keep forgetting that the car isn't in Mommy's name, and therefore doesn't expire on her birthday, but mine. He asks again for my license, and I give it to him. Guess what else expired in March. So then he lays into me for lying to him, and tells me my license has been suspended since June. Fucking. Awesome. I tell him I didn't know, and really, had I known, I would have had my passenger drive, since she's got a license and a car, right? He again, berates me for lying to him and tells me to get out of the car.

"I think you knew your license was suspended thats why you didn't update your registration or get a new one."

Again I try to explain, but I'm getting scared because I know whats going to happen.

He tells me to turn around and cuffs me. All I can think is, this isn't how I imagined my first time being handcuffed would be. I imagined a lot less clothes and a safe word.

Of course, I'm taken to the back of the cruiser and put in. He allows Jess to drive my car back to her house, thankfully. And off I go to the Seminole County Corrections facility. All the way there, the officer is still telling me I should have just told the truth, blah blah blah. Finally, I ask him if he's got anything else besides that to say to me, and he tells me no. I ask him if I get my phone call when I get to the station and he says yes. At which point I tell him "Then I guess we don't have anything further to say to each other, do we?" and shut the fuck up. I figured I was already arrested, so why listen to his bullshit? We get to the station and I have to change into the lovely little uniform and the nasty ass shoes, take out my piercings (honestly, how am I going to shank someone with a nose ring) and wait to get processed before I can call my father to come bail me out.

Luckily, the female officer was super nice (and waaaaaay cute), unlike McDouche the Arresting. She could tell I was shaken up, and since I guess she knew my charge, and it wasn't like, murder, or burglary, or dui or anything, would check on me occasionally to make sure I was okay. I was the only girl in the little holding area until they brought in this old lady sobbing hysterically. I'm proud to say I waited until Monday night to cry like a little bitch.

I get processed and get to call the Padre, at midnight, and it tells him its a collect call from Jamie, an INMATE AT, and I wanted to die. But he was super nice, and came and bailed me out. Luckily, I was only there for a couple of hours, and the cute female officer told me that charges like this weren't serious, she even dealt with it herself once, and I would get off with a fine at the most, as long as I got my shit together before my court date.

I made sure to tell her she was super nice (refrained from macking, as I felt that would be tacky) and as I was leaving told her, no offense, but I hope I never see you again. She smiled and told me her too.

So I go to court in August, I've got everything all prepared to get my license un-suspended, then I can get my tag and a lovely new valid license.

Exciting right?

So basically I'm dependent on the kindness of whoever wants to drive me around, and yesterday I decided to go see Inception at Pointe Orlando, since I can ride the trolley there, and Daddy wouldn't have to pick me up. This kid Jay asks if he can tag along, and I say sure why not, but make it clear that this is not a date. I paid for myself, and even when we went to Johnny Rockets for milkshakes, I paid. Not a date.

Movie dates confuse me. Why pay 10+ dollars to see a movie if you're just going to make out? Thats what cars are for, and making out in cars is free, right? Besides, I really wanted to see Inception AND I paid $11 for nachos, so you can bet your ass I'm going to be eating those motherfuckers.

Anyway, the movie starts with a preview for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, which looks amaaaaaaaazing. I am a happy fangirl. Inception starts, my love for Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page rise and I am a happy fangirl. Then Jay wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in. At first I'm like, eh okay, but then my back starts to hurt and my nachos are getting cold so I sit up. He tries again. I remain sitting up. He tries to pull me against him to which I say, "I'm watching the movie." and proceed to eat my nachos, which are sadly cold. He helps himself to some, I refrain from stabbing him in the hand.

DURING THE MOVIE, after I said, "I'm watching the movie," he tries to kiss me. I repeat myself, and move as far away in the seat as I can, and he kinda gets the hint. The rest of the movie passes without incident. As does the car ride home.

Then we get home, and he asks me if we can stand outside to talk for a little bit. I say okay, and light up a cig and sit on the ground. He lays his head in my lap and asks what I like about him. (qlf, right?) I say he's funny, and continue smoking my cig. He keeps trying to rub my back under my shirt, and I tell him that physical contact makes me extremely nervous and to please stop. He doesn't, so I get up. Sadly, I still have my cig, so I can't go in just yet, as the Padre hates it when I smoke. Then he comes up behind me, and puts his arms around my waist.

"Doesn't this feel nice? Doesn't this feel right?" he coos like a bad porn star.

"No."

"Oh c'mon," he says, turning me in his arms and going in for a kiss.

"No. And you're not getting a kiss. You can have a peck on the cheek."

He slips his hand to my neck and then tries to physically make me kiss him.

"Jay," I say calmly, "I have mace in my purse. If you don't let go of me right now, you're going to get a face full."

He looks at me like I'm nuts, but doesn't relinquish his grip. So I go to open my purse. At which point he realises I am not fucking around and lets me go.

"Can't I have that kiss you said?"

"No, friend, you've fucked things up royally."

"Well how about a hug?"

"How about hell no."

He looks down like a dejected puppy dog. "I guess I really fucked things up. Can I see you again?"

I couldn't help it. I laughed and told him I'd call him whenever I wanted to be violated.

Bitch is lucky I don't have my concealed weapons permit, or else he would have felt something nice and hard against his crotch.

Hey baby, is that a .9mm XD pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
So, another update yeah? Things haven't exactly worked out the way I planned. I actually cried for the first time in months. It felt nice lol why can I be a Vulcan with certain emotions and then the most stereotypical Pisces ever with others?

Sometimes I wish I could shut them off completely. I wish I could just cut and run when I know I'm on a path that will most likely end with me hurt and left behind. But I have to fucking care about people. And what's worse is it doesn't take long to get on my "I care about you" list. Fuck, it can be almost instantaneous at times. But once I consider you my friend, even just a barely talk to each other friend, I will always be there. I can't just leave, not unless you tell me you never want me to talk to you again. I mean, I pick up on hints. If you ignore every text or im I send you, then eventually I'll stop trying. But then all it takes to get me back is a message saying hi. Why do I care about people at all?


Why do I want this to fucking work out? Why do I want someone to card about me and for once in my life treat me as I treat them? You'd think I'd fucking learn by now...
So how about a good news update for once? :D

I've met someone completely new and fantastic. His name is Jarad, and I'm crushing hardcore. Its so weird for me to be falling for a boy, but he's totally cute and amazing and pretty much everything I wanted.

I've been trying to see other people after Jessica, but I couldn't get over it for some reason. I guess I was waiting on other things, to see how they would turn out, but when he contacted me, I couldn't resist. He's witty, intelligent, sweet, and treats me like a lady -laughs- I mean, he pays for my drinks, offers me rides, -cooks- for me. I don't know if I've ever been this spoiled by a suitor before.

We haven't been on a real date in his opinion (the first time we met was at one of his shows), but I can see this becoming a lasting relationship. Its weird how that works out doesn't it?

-laughs- I don't know if I know how to be in a heteronormative relationship.


But I keep telling myself not to rush into it, to just relax and take things as they come, you know? I like this boy, and I don't want to mess it up.

Mar. 8th, 2010

I want to learn ASL. Really bad.


I should also be studying my Japanese, but I have no willpower to lol


p.s. - Pandora radio fucking rocks. Just sayin
I remember waking up with such an intense feeling of loss. My heart physically hurt,and I think if I'd been able to dream longer, I would be in tears.

I don't remember a lot of what happened. I gave birth, in a dark blue room in a pool of deep, dark water, to twin girls. I remember one of them was named Sophia. The other was taken from me before I could name her. There was this ... cult. It was either a group of dieties, of which I was one, or the followers of said pantheon. I was looking for her. I was looking for my baby, and I had every hope and thought and conviction that she was still alive, because how could anyone kill an innocent baby? I went to the head woman, who was dressed in a white chiton and had long dark hair. She smiled at me with motherly kindness and put her hand on my shoulder. It was ice cold. She told me that one of my babies, the one who I was allowed to keep, was the embodiment of good. The other, sadly had to be disposed of, because she was the embodiment of evil. I remember leaving her house, still feeling that my baby was alive and that I could still save her. And then I saw an omen, as I was on my way to make a plea to the head man, who in my head looked like Patrick Stewart. We were walking, and I saw this abstract art piece, made of black and white ceramic pieces carefully laid together and then held together by a wooden frame, fall out of the sky crashing into pieces on the ground in front of me. And thats when I knew my baby was dead. That they had killed her, because some stupid sign told them that she was the embodiment of evil. I remember walking along a mountain corridor, telling my guide, "They will all pay for what they did to my daughter."

And then the apartment maintenance woke me up. I know that had I been allowed to dream on, I probably would have killed the entire group of people. I kept thinking, how can you kill someone for who they may become? She's just a baby, newly born. She didn't do anything. How do you know she's going to be evil?

Goddess, my heart still hurts...

Tags:

Feb. 25th, 2010

Leeloo Dallas Multipass. Mooooltiiiipass.Collapse )

I'd been itching for ink lately :) So I went yesterday and got this done. It only cost me 84 dollars, and thats -including- the 20 dollar tip I left him. I'm totally in love with it. Suits me I think :3

Last public post

This will be the last public post on ol eggy here, though to be honest it may not be required after the text I just recieved :) Its funny how that works isn't it? So go ahead and post shit about how everyone is all the same I your deviantart, I honestly could care less. And you go ahead and take down all the pictures on facebook, to be honest I'm surprised they lasted that long. I know the truth and deep down so do you. So go ahead and do whatever makes you feel good. I'm going on with my life :) :)

V-day funtimes

✖ Create a graphic to represent your "Valentines Card". It should have your username on it, but otherwise can feature whatever you want. Make it something special preferably to represent love, seeing as it is valentine's.

✖ Make a post with the subject "Love or Lust?". Put your "Card" somewhere in your post, and be sure to re-post these instructions.

✖ Then, go around other people's LJs and reply to them with either "Love" or "Lust". If you reply with "Love", you may just take their "Valentines Card". If you reply with Lust, they'll give you a dare and you must perform the task in order for the other person to give you their Valentines Card. (It's best if the dare surrounds a Valentines theme such as "Make a post telling someone how much you love blahblahblah.." or "draw me this pair" etcetc)

✖ List all your collected cards in your original "Love or Lust?" post to show off your lovely valentines. Don't hot link the images as some people may not like that.

"I never believed that there was a rainbow
With a pot of gold at the end
I'm much too smart for fairy tales like that
Yet here I am again
I thought this time, this time we're gonna make it
Why I thought so I really don't know
Maybe something in his eyes just told me so
Something in his eyes...

Tell me lies
And I'll come runnin'
I must have lost my mind!
I could close me eyes
And tell you just exactly what's comin'
Life's gonna turn just a little unkind

Seems like everyone's sailin'
Way out on the sea
And I'm stuck here on the shore
Sun's always shinin'
But it's never on me
Why should I try anymore?

Tell me lies
Tell me lies
And I'll just keep right on comin'
This time I've got to believe in the dream
This time I've got to believe in his dream ... "





Jessica broke up with me on wendesday... we had gone out to ibar tuesday night and as usual she got drunk. She went through my text messages and found some that she considered evidence that I was cheating. Her excuse? I had been acting different so she wanted proof that something was up. I was furious, and we fought. On my way home she called me and told me that things were over. Still mad and hurt, I told her fine.

I haven't cried until today.

I went to the Castle with Kyou last night, and it was amazing. We danced, we made fun of the protesters proclaiming that we were all going to hell. She was drunk after just one drink. It was a blast.

And then Jessie calls me. It had been three days since we'd broken up, you know? She calls me and she wants to fix things. She told me she was just mad and hurt and shocked that I could do such a thing. In the background I can hear her sister in law talking shit about me. Telling her to just hang up, why did she call, the usual bullshit. I told her that I didn't know, because I was hurt and she doesn't trust me. She came to visit me, and I had to break up with her again in person.

It hurt so bad. I do love her, and I just want her to be happy. Seeing her hurt like that, I don't know. It messed me up. She hugged me and wished me the best of luck. I know that she loves me, or rather loved me. I just want her to be happy. Thats all I ever want for everyone.


And now Michelle is running off to New York.

Its always the same.




I want to be happy again.
Just got my first ticket ever ;__; And I forgot to print out my latest insurance so I get to pay another fine. YIPPEE.

F.

M.

L.

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